A lot of what is written is based on inside jokes and old stories.
So you want to get rid of Chinky Loy, huh? Good news for you, because I happen to know a few pointers.
1. Pull on her pig tails. Chinky Loys don’t like it when you tug on their pig tails. She will definitely threaten to kill you if you do it again. This will definitely be the good first move to getting rid of this Chinky Loy. Side effects include starting a lovely seven year and still going friendship with her.
2. Get into numerous fights with her all because of a stupid boy. To successfully achieve getting rid of the Chinky Loy, you need to fight with her a lot over a stupid boy. Storm out of Jollibee only to have her run after you! That’ll definitely do the trick. Who knows what you’ll both see in him but it’s an essential ingredient in the recipe of the shooing of the Chinky Loy. Side effects include getting past the fights and making your friendship even stronger come end of first year high school. And unfortunately only getting past the boy come end of third year high school.
3. Leave for Manila for a week. The next step requires you distance from Chinky Loy. Go out of town for a week and she’ll be running for the hills. Side effects include a weeks read of testimonials left by Chinky Loy on long forgotten Friendster.
4. Become a jeje trendsetter. A Chinky Loy will definitely start heading for the next trip out of here when you start a trend. A very jeje trend. Might I suggest you write cheesy quotes, cheesy letters about the fights about stupid boy, and possibly shutter shades? Don’t mind the Nicole Sarne when she says you can’t see anything using these shades. She doesn’t want to get rid of the Chinky Loy; you do. Side effects include the beginning of the jeje trend that is the shutter shades. And a happier, funner, and funnier friendship.
5. Hug random people on the street. Why would you want to hug random people? For all we know, they haven’t bathed in weeks! It’s okay. It’s only a minor set back but the results will definitely be a hundred percent guaranteed! What you have to do is simple:
- Take the handouts you used for your week long exams
- Write ‘FREE HUGS’ on it
- Parade yourself with the signs and hug random strangers.
- Also get asked if it’s part of an initiation.
- And get asked for your number.
- Say you’re from the States.
Side effects include one of the best days ever and a timeless story.
6. Start a vlog wherein your first episode is an interview with Kim Chiu and Gerald Anderson. If there’s anything Chinky Loys will run away from, it is this. Set up an interview with Direk Tots since Kim Chiu and Gerald Anderson are shooting My Girl in Baguio. Wait for hours and hours for your interview time. Don’t get the interview in the end. Email Direk Tots again. Never receive a reply again. Side effects include videos of you and Chinky Loy that you will laugh at and burn once you find it again.
7. Let her find out that you drink. This will shock her since you’re now in Manila for college and you’ve tried drinking. Show her you can drink a beer and you’re independent. Side effects include reassurance that changing even just a little won’t harm your friendship with her. And a very sweet message to prove it:
You can be as independent as Manila makes you, and party as hard as the rockstar I know you are, but the Sonya we know will never completely change and I know you and everyone else know that. [:
It may have shocked a lot of us, but later on it’ll be normal and everyone will be changing, even more than you have. So stop worrying. [: You didn’t scare me, and nothing’s going to happen to our friendship or your friendship with the guys. [:
8. Beat her in Super Smash Bros. A LOT. In facr, spend an entire summer with her playing video games, Monopoly, and eat pizza. Invite a Vernon Goze, an Ino Rubang, a Katchy Viray, and an Erjo Coscolluela. Side effects include reassurance nothing has changed even if you both don’t chat a lot online like other friends. And a pretty amazing summer.
9. Plan a surprise birthday party for her. She’ll never know what hit her! Gather her friends from UP Baguio, plan it out, ask her Mom and the Nicole Sarne for videos, and surprise! Not only will she be super surprised, she’ll also post pictures of cupcakes you bought on Deviant Art and get a lot of views and comments and likes. If you’re a bit hesitant on the success of the surprise, also try not greeting her on her birthday and only greeting her a week after. It will definitely be just as effective. Side effects include celebrating a really amazing friend and getting to know her life.
10. Be a control freak. This is it; the last piece to the cake! She’s finally moving away but she’s not going to get there quick enough if you don’t fix her room with her. Solution: be a control freak. Throw her stuff toys to the give away pile without her consent, force her to throw old things she doesn’t need, and let the Vernon Goze handle the cockroach eggs. Side effects include reminiscing a beautiful friendship with a great friend and finally seeing the floor to her room.
Once you’ve finally completed this list, you will see immediate results. If she is on her way to the States in a couple of days, you’re successful. Good job! Pat yourself on the back!
*If these don’t work, you may also try making home videos (ie. a birthday video, a biking video, a where is Stu video), starting a MySpace together and naming it Chic Click, getting scolded by the Research teacher and lowering everyone’s chances to get a higher grade, makin her lose Stu, taking emo pictures because of Stu and finding Stu, making a joke and laughing so much you can’t even say the punch line, or selling the Harvee Cabading’s pictures to the younger years and making loads of money.
On a more serious note: Chinky, I love you and I’m so grateful I was able to meet just one of the most amazing people ever. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I don’t know how you put up with me but I’m so glad you did (huhuhu,I’m so sorry haha) because I wouldn’t have made it through a lot of things without you. I’m going to miss you a whole bunch and I hope you know that. It sucks to see another one of my best friends leave (it makes me cry every time I think about it). I swear, I think I’m next! I hope you don’t forget about me when you’re helping Ellen de Generes out with scaring celebrities.