I have lost a lot of people, felt a variety of lowest of lows, and hurt so many people this year. I can’t say this year has been the best or the most inspiring because it wasn’t. If I’m being honest, it was definitely one of the most challenging and overwhelming years I have experienced. However, I’m also not saying it was the worst. In fact, this year had its fair share of amazing and blissful moments– moments I wish I could relive and feel again, moments I feel were the best there was.
I have realized, though, that I am one hell of a negative person. There is just so much negativity clouding my mind and personality which makes me such a lonely person when really I could be happier. So so soooo much happier! This mini “existential” epiphany of mine has then led to resolutions I hope 2014 me will practice.
1. To be more confident in myself—my capabilities, my work, my future, and my life.
2. To be more kind to myself and less critical of my flaws and mistakes
3. To be more kind to others and less judgmental. To forgive and actually forget faults, fights, and disagreements.
4. To be more open minded and understanding of unexpected circumstances and situations out of my control.
5. To try harder with my relationships, work, dreams, goals, and future. To not simply ‘give up’ when the rubbles become boulders.
6. To be more responsible and to act upon my duties wisely.
7. To love myself, what I do, who I have in my life, what I have in my life, and all the blessings and opportunities.
8. To take care of yourself for once.
Resolutions are meant to be broken is what people might say to the adversities that await the year ahead. True enough, I have never not broken resolutions I have always set up for myself. This time, however, I plan to change things for myself. But what happens when things do get difficult? What then?
1. Think of the people that matter and people who have stuck around and who have always stuck around for you even at your worst.
2. Think of what you love and people who love what you love as well.
3. Think of the many many things there are to discover, understand, and explore.
4. Think of your parents and the many blessings they have showered you with.
5. Think of the kind words people casually and consciously give you.
6. Think of what you want to do with your life and who you want to affect and touch.
Everyday I feel I always fight the good fight but never get anywhere anyway and sometimes just prove myself right that I never do end up anywhere. Everyday, I have attacks and forget that my body is not a medium where I can unleash my confused and aggressive state. I always feel like I drive down an endless road alone, afraid, and never with a friendly touch–not even a smile–to guide me to what is right or good.
Everyday feels like a constant battle with demons I did not volunteer to slay. Every. Day.
But (hopefully) not this year. 2013 has taught me a few things and I hope I actually get to use them this 2014. I hope this year will actually be my year and I hope this goes the same for all of you who feel the same way.