Ten from ’14 pt 1

ten

This year has been such a roller coaster of events and changes that I feel like 2014 will always hold a special foothold in my heart. This year had three stages: leaving, looking, and finding which I have been able to gather pieces of wisdom from. It began with leaving the most familiar system in my life (and I assume in most of my batchmates’ lives)– schooling. I graduated college with a BA majoring in Communication. I then looked for two things: adventure which presented itself in a trip to Indonesia with my best friend (the first trip I took without my family) and the road to a new chapter in my life. This new chapter came in the hues of purple and blue; alternatively, a media agency called Mindshare. Lastly, I lived out my six months under the workforce learning, failing, and understanding the workings around branding and media placements.

Here are a few lessons (and a few 2015 goals) that I have learned from my year of 2014.

1. For a better life, one must exercise a healthier life. I start with this because I admittedly have the worst health habits any person could have– I binge eat and skip meals, I don’t give myself enough time to rest, and so many others that I feel I could improve on. By ‘exercising a healthier life’, I don’t necessarily limit it to practicing a healthier diet and exercising but rather including a self-consciousness of the other parts of my body that I need to take better care of. For example, I have been abusing my eyes and with a 9 to 5 job that requires me to look at a screen for hours on end I don’t help it by last minute Instagram stalking before bed (in the dark no less). In fact, six months before my job I had a 30-20 vision which was horrifying as it was, but now I have 50-50 vision (CAN YOU IMAGINE THE TERROR). I want a healthier Sonya for 2015 🙂

Other than physical health, I also want to be healthy mentally which brings us to number 2.

2. It’s okay to not be okay (and for things to not be okay). The biggest struggle I have always faced was taking control of my demons. Coming from a very toxic and traumatizing past, I found voices and overwhelming emotions that terrorize me even on normal days (especially on normal days). I think I can proudly say that this year I have found days or weeks when my demons were quiet and I was really happy. Being in the light felt so good and I never thought I would be able to feel that way in my whole life. Experiencing that made me fight even harder on bad days, search for hope and love on crippling days, and work for it on empty days.

But even when that happened, there were still days that didn’t seem to cut it. Although I tried my best, my demons would outshout me and take over– days when I couldn’t seem to fight or even stay afloat.

And on those days, forgive. When you can’t be your best self or ‘fight the good fight’, it’s okay. Those days are not evidence that you’re weak or worthless, those days are a reminder of how we are not perfect, how we are human and how we can’t always control the environment around us. Forgive yourself and give time to not be okay.

3. Learn to love yourself. There is a Youtube video of an interview Anne Hathaway had with Ellen deGeneres which really resonated with me. In the video, she expressed how she had not learned to love herself previously and was then fragile to the noise of other’s opinions on her. She then took a turn for the better and started her journey of loving herself more.

For me, removing negativity is the first step. Pure and simple but the hardest to do and for a good reason. We are constantly surrounded by negativity in all forms and most of the time we are asked, if not required, to interact with them. Although a few of those are unavoidable, you can choose to detach yourself from those that can be avoided. Over the years, I kept feeding myself negative energy and surrounded myself with negative people and thoughts without even thinking of how it would affect me! It took my office mate to say the most obvious thing which was that you have the control. Although you may not believe that (I certainly didn’t for a time), trust that you do and if you don’t learn to control what you can then you will always be playing into the hands of other people.

4. Be more kind. More than being kind to myself, I want to be even kinder to those around me not only through actions but through thoughts. Your thoughts about someone else heavily influence how you perceive and act towards them sometimes without even knowing the person or their side. To add, it brings you down as well and as I said we have to start removing negativity.

5. It is inevitable for people to leave as you grow older. This year I have come in to terms with a dear friend ‘leaving’ and friends becoming strangers. As much as I tried to reach out, nothing fruitful came from it and from then on we grew even more apart. As painful as the thought sounds, it does happen. Friends stop having the same interests, they fall out, they stop talking, they drop out of your life without a warning and as painful as it may be that is okay.

Remember this: any relationship is a two-way street. No matter how much you reach out to the other person, they still have to care enough to put effort into whatever you may have. I’m not saying it comes in the form of a grand gesture but it does have to be a give and take.

Cutting people out of your life, although heart piercing, can serve as a cleanse. There are chapters of our lives that we grow out of and sometimes the people living in the chapters follow suit but it doesn’t have to be sad. Truth is, the person and the memories that come along with them will always be there.

Hope you liked this lengthy post! 🙂

Ten from ’14 pt 1

The Lonely Mind: Begin

Twelve hours in the office and I am suddenly awake. It is 9:56 PM of the next day and I only realize the time now.

They say the weekend is always too short and I could not agree more than I do now. How does time get away from you really? One day it’s Friday and the next it’s Tuesday and soon after it’s the weekend. Explain to me how I can never pinpoint the days I was happy and days I was depressed. Everyday just seems like a giant bowl of meh and hm. Everyone seems like a giant bowl of meh and hm.

Where am I now? Still here, but it is 10:05. What has happened since 9:56 that I can’t seem to remember how I felt and what I was doing? Why can I never remember the people who matter and the things they have done to make themselves matter? Why can I never forgive people for the times I do remember and love them more for the times I do not?

That has never changed. Thought the time ticks on– it is 10:11 PM now– my heart never changes. I always feel too dark for the sun, unworthy and too anxious for the world to even notice. Even as it is 10:14 PM, my heart stays the same and I only see the sad from the good and the bad from the happy, thus, the bowl of meh and hm.

I will never change, but maybe tomorrow I will wake up at 9 AM and realize it early enough for the day to matter.

The Lonely Mind: Begin

100: The tough week

28. February 3, 2014 IMG_20140203_221823[1] I am my best when I am with the people I love. Went filming with my Media Law group mates. I got to shoot Danie and Ina while we were there so it was great.

29. February 4, 2014 2014-02-04_01.36.53_1[1] Spent the whole day in Craft studying for POS. I love good food most definitely and this was just amazing. Gabe visited me for lunch and that was nice too 🙂

30. February 5, 2014 2014-02-05_11.39.18_1[1] Attended two events that I can say I am proud of. The highlight of the MDG Forum, though, was meeting the head of the Philippine Toy Library and learning more about their vision. I love listening to what people are passionate about and these people are definitely inspiring! Also, I found this beautiful flower in class today. Brightened up my morning easily.

31. February 6, 2014 2014-02-06_10.12.19_1[1] To be honest…

😦

32. February 7, 2014 2014-02-08_12.26.50_1[1] 2b7df0e4901b11e3910112de2e92b762_8 It’s good to put a pause on our problems sometimes. Luckily, Mags helped me do that even if it was for a short while.

Also, it was great being in the MCA Miting de Avance and Under the Stars with the other presidents. My gosh we’ve come so far!!!

33. February 8, 2014

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People who genuinely care about your troubles.

A cat’s scratching post, lavender, depressed, and stressed. Thank you for “reading” me today, AJ!

34. February 9, 2014

speed 2014-02-09_07.58.56_1[1]Spent my Sunday morning running my first 5k marathon for special kids! It was such a huge event and I am just so proud of SPEED for doing such a good job with it. The rest of my day was spent watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine with Gabe and sleeping off my tired state.

This week has not been easy. I actually started regressing again and thought countless times of ending things. I could never do it though, because I thought of just how much I was losing. Just how much I wouldn’t see, touch, feel, smell, taste once I decided.

That’s the crazy thing about life. You learn to be jaded, cynical, or violent, but at the same time love it too much to let it slip through your fingers. I think I’m one of the lucky ones who actually sees that. I still don’t understand why things happen the way they do or why they even happen at all but I guess life isn’t about being fair but instead realistic.

I hope one day I get the courage to actually embrace that truth and be content with it. Otherwise, I don’t know what I’d do.

100: The tough week

100: The colorful week

21. January 27, 2014

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Color: Brown
Leaving these little envelopes and helping out the cause definitely started my day right!

22. January 28, 2014

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Color: Pink
Magel brought this phone with her to school and I loved it! It was so bright pink and took the loveliest pictures. Phones like this remind me that I don’t need the best gadgets to prove my worth in photography. I just have to know my basics well enough to apply them.

23. January 29, 2014

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Color: White

Grown up outfit. Grown up bag. Grown up lunch.

Alex, Danie, and I talked about graduation, the job search, the condo search, salaries, and more. The future is definitely scary but I find that facing it with the best people makes it bearable.

24. January 30, 2014

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Color: Orange
Presidential duty no. 10 DONE!

25. January 31, 2014

hehehe

Color: Red
The best part of the day was catching up with all of my favorite TV series including Gravity Falls. I’m so excited for it to return this February!

26. February 1, 2014

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Color: Black
Ball or no ball. I am so lucky to have this stunner for a date.

Also, Alex, Gabe and I went to SM Megamall and Shangri La to shop for a gown. I love that I got to spend such a tiring task with two of my favorite people.

27. February 2, 2014

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Color: Purple
Spent the day with vertigo and Gabe. Now You See Me is such an awesome movie and watching it with someone as goofy as Gabe made it twice as good.

100: The colorful week

100: The eventful week

In comparison to last week, this week was really great. I wish weeks were more like this!

14. January 20, 2014

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The outgoing CB deliberated on the incoming CB and finalized a bit of it. Afterwards, the gang (not complete) headed to Carmela’s. Love hanging out with these people!

15. January 21, 2014

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This boy can definitely spoil me!

16. January 22, 2014

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Headed to DDB to get my certification, evaluations, and this neat package from Abbey! I love it when I finish everything I need to do. Productivity gives me such determination to do everything else. At night, I spent the time with Max and Miggy discussing Philosophy and the paper.

17. January 23, 2014

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Got home at 1:30. Wrote my paper till 2:00. Woke up at 4:30. Wrote till 6:00. Slept at 7:00. Woke up at 8:00. Practiced with Daryll and Gerard at 9:00. Went to consult with Calano at 10:00. Went back to the dorm to get my package at 11:30. Went back to the lib and then wrote my paper till 1:30. Did a run through with Daryll and Gerard at 2:00. Performed at 2:30. Went back to the lib till 4:00. Deliberating whether I should go to class till 4:30. Went to MVP for Danie to proof read at 4:30. Wrote my paper till 6:20. Wrote my Theo paper till 7:00. Finalized Theo presentation and practiced a bit with Chloe and Larz till 7:45. Presentation at 8:30.

WHAT A FREAKING DAY.

18. January 24, 2014

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There were a number of things I loved about this day.

1. Gabe visited me in the room for ARSAfest with Catching Fire.

2. The goodness that is Cebu Lechon.

3. Danie and Mheanne hanging out in my room

4. Finding Danie and Mheanne still in my room a few hours after.

5. Resting up in the library with Gabe

6. The loveliness of our Broadcast Advertising ads.

Here’s a little bit of it:

Rested for the day and spent the latter part of the day with Gabe at the library. Found the maintenance room open and saw this little discovery. Earlier on in the day, I’ve noticed a lot of poetic vandalism in the girls’ bathroom. Not that this is vandalism, but I love how words can definitely express such beauty and power.pandesals

Speaking of the power in words, here is how Broadcast Advertising went with Danie and I.

19. January 25, 2014

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This day was absolutely the best! Got kidnapped by my two block mates and we went to the St. Paul Pasig Fair. It was great; I got to know more about their school, the new building, and took a lot of photos of my beautiful tour guides. Today made me definitely miss hanging out with girlfriends. I never got to really hang out with anyone outside of school that wasn’t for work. I wish I had more of these. I wish we had more of these.

20. January 26, 2014

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This beautiful breakfast is all it takes to make up for everything! 🙂

100: The eventful week

100: The bad week

This week was exhausting, frustrating, and depressing. As this project has advised me, however, I must look at the bright little things that make days more special. Even if, as a whole, the day pretty much sucked. Luckily for me, the week ended on a good note and left with a lot of promise for the next. I think that is a pretty great consolation for a bad week.

I’m glad to still be able to look at the bright side of things even when things start to bring me down.

7. January 13, 2014

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Today was not a good day, to be honest. I started my morning crying and felt horrible for the rest of the day. Good thing, fried chicken was invented. Yup, chicken goood.

8. January 14, 2014

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Gabe and I started having a lot of trouble but thankfully we had pause moments like these to remind us of happier days. We had a photoshoot for CoSA’s human auction. Him carrying me was no easy task since I have really bad trust issues. Jumping on top of him took about twenty minutes of deciding whether I should do it or not.

9. January 15, 2014

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For as long as the day ended with us being friends again, then it was an okay day.

10. January 16, 2014

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I had interviews for most of the day and forgot to study up on my Political Science. I did horribly and scored a 0 out of a 100 for my day’s recitation but luckily for me it didn’t bring me down as much as I thought it would.

11. January 17, 2014

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12. January 18, 2014

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Today started great with Broadcast Advertising and later a Ramen Oh date with Gabe and Don Jon. What really struck me on this day was my professor’s wide grasp for knowledge.

Nothing gets me more driven than passionate people and productivity. When people inspire me with their drive and their capacity for knowledge, it makes me want to be a better person as well. I love learning from different people and talking about different things with them. I love discovering new things and getting better myself.

13. January 19, 2014

IMG_20140120_083454[1]Gabe, Johnet, and I watched Ali perform for Entablado’s “Juan Tamban”. I got to understand a filipino play for once (please don’t judge me haha) and really relate to the message the play tried to express. Before watching the play, Gabe and I bought a cake for Ali (since all the nearby flower shops had lousy flowers).

Afterwards, Gabe and I headed to Katipunan Extension to eat. Since we decided to eat somewhere we haven’t tried before, we ate at Cafe 205. It was not a good decision on our part. The food wasn’t great and was priced expensively but we took the bad dinner as a learning experience to never eat there again. Haha! We, then, went to Conti’s for a good dessert. Their cakes are heaven!

100: The bad week

100.

As you may have read from my previous post, I have decided to make 2014 less of a negative year than the years before. Luckily for me, I was able to find a website that will hopefully help me out with that. 100happydays.com challenges the individual into being happy for 100 days by looking for things that brightened up their day (everyday for a hundred days). The site also gives us reasons why people often dismiss this challenge and reasons for why people should try it as well. Given that we now exist in a world that is so fueled by achievement and the never ending update of what is bigger, better, and more efficient, we, as a result, turn busy and forget about the little things that actually made us smile and thankful. From here, there comes a bigger tendency to focus on the negative because we seemingly don’t “see” the good things happening to us and only remember the bad things.

Each week I will be posting the things that made me happy for each day starting from January 7.

1. January 7, 2014

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To be honest and brief, I hate my birthday.

Every year feels just like the other and I feel no more special than anyone else not celebrating their birthday at all. Not that I want all the attention if that’s what you were thinking. But I do wish sometimes that the day of my birth would feel more special than normal.

This year, I achieved that. Or at least some extent of it. This year I was going for genuine. I told myself earlier on, “no matter who does and doesn’t. It’s all about the people who mean it.”

My friends from the dorm greeted me at midnight with pizza, notes, and a serenade. This gave me a good start to my day because I didn’t expect it at all. It was great to see my friends again and everyone seemed to be really happy. Which made me happy.

Gabe then surprised me later in the morning with breakfast from Family Mart and a bouquet of sunflowers. The morning was definitely the best for me. I received a lovely shortcake, a letter, and pictures from Ina and tear-jerking words from all my other friends care of Gabe.

Towards the end of the day, I started feeling blue and more insecure than ever but I’d like to think that it’s a part of this growth I need to embrace. The important moral lesson I’ve learned from all this is that you can’t choose your greetings. Sometimes, yes, it would be nice to be greeted by people you love, but at the same time it would be nice to be celebrated by people who actually care. And that I think is what is truly genuine.

2. January 8, 2014

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Today started with spending time with Gabe. He needed to get his mind off things and so we landed ourselves in Conti’s with a lovely hearty lunch and ‘no-problems’ session. We ended up talking about Theology, religion, marriage, and child free couples. Afterwards, we went to UP’s Via Mare where I pitched a CoSA project to 2 advertising presidents and the FAO president herself.

Afterwards, we headed back to school for our weekly CODE meeting which ended the day with riding with Carmela to Third Cup, a good reflection, and having some well deserved Tomato Brie.

3. January 9, 2014

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Graduation is in a few months. Thoughts of it scare me sometimes but not this morning. This morning felt okay.

4. January 10, 2014

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After a crazy day of CoSA meetings, application forms, and problems, I ended the day with fellow officers listening to the End of Sem Council Report. It was good to end the day with people I’ve come to know. For as long as I have these people to guide me in my last hurrahs as President, then I think I’ll be okay.

5. January 11, 2014

Ho2 Ho4This deserves a separate post  which will be posted within this week 🙂

6. January 12, 2014

1514322_10151810274141436_1459001230_nSunday was spent with the Constitution and a lovely book searching with Vince. Everything in Fullybooked Cubao was 50% off! Unfortunately, when we got there, all the good books were gone and I ended up buying nothing. Afterwards, Vince treated me to Cibo which I think made up for coming out of Fullybooked empty handed.

100.