Ten from ’14 pt 1

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This year has been such a roller coaster of events and changes that I feel like 2014 will always hold a special foothold in my heart. This year had three stages: leaving, looking, and finding which I have been able to gather pieces of wisdom from. It began with leaving the most familiar system in my life (and I assume in most of my batchmates’ lives)– schooling. I graduated college with a BA majoring in Communication. I then looked for two things: adventure which presented itself in a trip to Indonesia with my best friend (the first trip I took without my family) and the road to a new chapter in my life. This new chapter came in the hues of purple and blue; alternatively, a media agency called Mindshare. Lastly, I lived out my six months under the workforce learning, failing, and understanding the workings around branding and media placements.

Here are a few lessons (and a few 2015 goals) that I have learned from my year of 2014.

1. For a better life, one must exercise a healthier life. I start with this because I admittedly have the worst health habits any person could have– I binge eat and skip meals, I don’t give myself enough time to rest, and so many others that I feel I could improve on. By ‘exercising a healthier life’, I don’t necessarily limit it to practicing a healthier diet and exercising but rather including a self-consciousness of the other parts of my body that I need to take better care of. For example, I have been abusing my eyes and with a 9 to 5 job that requires me to look at a screen for hours on end I don’t help it by last minute Instagram stalking before bed (in the dark no less). In fact, six months before my job I had a 30-20 vision which was horrifying as it was, but now I have 50-50 vision (CAN YOU IMAGINE THE TERROR). I want a healthier Sonya for 2015 🙂

Other than physical health, I also want to be healthy mentally which brings us to number 2.

2. It’s okay to not be okay (and for things to not be okay). The biggest struggle I have always faced was taking control of my demons. Coming from a very toxic and traumatizing past, I found voices and overwhelming emotions that terrorize me even on normal days (especially on normal days). I think I can proudly say that this year I have found days or weeks when my demons were quiet and I was really happy. Being in the light felt so good and I never thought I would be able to feel that way in my whole life. Experiencing that made me fight even harder on bad days, search for hope and love on crippling days, and work for it on empty days.

But even when that happened, there were still days that didn’t seem to cut it. Although I tried my best, my demons would outshout me and take over– days when I couldn’t seem to fight or even stay afloat.

And on those days, forgive. When you can’t be your best self or ‘fight the good fight’, it’s okay. Those days are not evidence that you’re weak or worthless, those days are a reminder of how we are not perfect, how we are human and how we can’t always control the environment around us. Forgive yourself and give time to not be okay.

3. Learn to love yourself. There is a Youtube video of an interview Anne Hathaway had with Ellen deGeneres which really resonated with me. In the video, she expressed how she had not learned to love herself previously and was then fragile to the noise of other’s opinions on her. She then took a turn for the better and started her journey of loving herself more.

For me, removing negativity is the first step. Pure and simple but the hardest to do and for a good reason. We are constantly surrounded by negativity in all forms and most of the time we are asked, if not required, to interact with them. Although a few of those are unavoidable, you can choose to detach yourself from those that can be avoided. Over the years, I kept feeding myself negative energy and surrounded myself with negative people and thoughts without even thinking of how it would affect me! It took my office mate to say the most obvious thing which was that you have the control. Although you may not believe that (I certainly didn’t for a time), trust that you do and if you don’t learn to control what you can then you will always be playing into the hands of other people.

4. Be more kind. More than being kind to myself, I want to be even kinder to those around me not only through actions but through thoughts. Your thoughts about someone else heavily influence how you perceive and act towards them sometimes without even knowing the person or their side. To add, it brings you down as well and as I said we have to start removing negativity.

5. It is inevitable for people to leave as you grow older. This year I have come in to terms with a dear friend ‘leaving’ and friends becoming strangers. As much as I tried to reach out, nothing fruitful came from it and from then on we grew even more apart. As painful as the thought sounds, it does happen. Friends stop having the same interests, they fall out, they stop talking, they drop out of your life without a warning and as painful as it may be that is okay.

Remember this: any relationship is a two-way street. No matter how much you reach out to the other person, they still have to care enough to put effort into whatever you may have. I’m not saying it comes in the form of a grand gesture but it does have to be a give and take.

Cutting people out of your life, although heart piercing, can serve as a cleanse. There are chapters of our lives that we grow out of and sometimes the people living in the chapters follow suit but it doesn’t have to be sad. Truth is, the person and the memories that come along with them will always be there.

Hope you liked this lengthy post! 🙂

Ten from ’14 pt 1

The Lonely Mind: Begin

Twelve hours in the office and I am suddenly awake. It is 9:56 PM of the next day and I only realize the time now.

They say the weekend is always too short and I could not agree more than I do now. How does time get away from you really? One day it’s Friday and the next it’s Tuesday and soon after it’s the weekend. Explain to me how I can never pinpoint the days I was happy and days I was depressed. Everyday just seems like a giant bowl of meh and hm. Everyone seems like a giant bowl of meh and hm.

Where am I now? Still here, but it is 10:05. What has happened since 9:56 that I can’t seem to remember how I felt and what I was doing? Why can I never remember the people who matter and the things they have done to make themselves matter? Why can I never forgive people for the times I do remember and love them more for the times I do not?

That has never changed. Thought the time ticks on– it is 10:11 PM now– my heart never changes. I always feel too dark for the sun, unworthy and too anxious for the world to even notice. Even as it is 10:14 PM, my heart stays the same and I only see the sad from the good and the bad from the happy, thus, the bowl of meh and hm.

I will never change, but maybe tomorrow I will wake up at 9 AM and realize it early enough for the day to matter.

The Lonely Mind: Begin

When 2014 gets tough…

I have lost a lot of people, felt a variety of lowest of lows, and hurt so many people this year. I can’t say this year has been the best or the most inspiring because it wasn’t. If I’m being honest, it was definitely one of the most challenging and overwhelming years I have experienced. However, I’m also not saying it was the worst. In fact, this year had its fair share of amazing and blissful moments– moments I wish I could relive and feel again, moments I feel were the best there was.

I have realized, though, that I am one hell of a negative person. There is just so much negativity clouding my mind and personality which makes me such a lonely person when really I could be happier. So so soooo much happier! This mini “existential” epiphany of mine has then led to resolutions I hope 2014 me will practice.

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1. To be more confident in myself—my capabilities, my work, my future, and my life.

2. To be more kind to myself and less critical of my flaws and mistakes

3. To be more kind to others and less judgmental. To forgive and actually forget faults, fights, and disagreements.

4. To be more open minded and understanding of unexpected circumstances and situations out of my control.

5. To try harder with my relationships, work, dreams, goals, and future. To not simply ‘give up’ when the rubbles become boulders.

6. To be more responsible and to act upon my duties wisely.

7. To love myself, what I do, who I have in my life, what I have in my life, and all the blessings and opportunities.

8. To take care of yourself for once.

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Resolutions are meant to be broken is what people might say to the adversities that await the year ahead. True enough, I have never not broken resolutions I have always set up for myself. This time, however, I plan to change things for myself. But what happens when things do get difficult? What then?

1. Think of the people that matter and people who have stuck around and who have always stuck around for you even at your worst.

2. Think of what you love and people who love what you love as well.

3. Think of the many many things there are to discover, understand, and explore.

4. Think of your parents and the many blessings they have showered you with.

5. Think of the kind words people casually and consciously give you.

6. Think of what you want to do with your life and who you want to affect and touch.

lostEveryday I feel I always fight the good fight but never get anywhere anyway and sometimes just prove myself right that I never do end up anywhere. Everyday, I have attacks and forget that my body is not a medium where I can unleash my confused and aggressive state. I always feel like I drive down an endless road alone, afraid, and never with a friendly touch–not even a smile–to guide me to what is right or good.

Everyday feels like a constant battle with demons I did not volunteer to slay. Every. Day.

But (hopefully) not this year. 2013 has taught me a few things and I hope I actually get to use them this 2014. I hope this year will actually be my year and I hope this goes the same for all of you who feel the same way.

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When 2014 gets tough…

The Lately: Client Work and Renaissance

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1. I’ve been doing a bit of client work lately and I love it. I’ve been learning Illustrator (which I never thought I’d get around doing to be honest) and making great stuff which I can hopefully show you all soon.Image

2. I’ve been reading this book Gabe gave me recently and it has been okay so far. It hasn’t gripped me into excitement yet though which is the main problem with me and not finishing books.
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3. #cheesypost This guy visited me in Baguio for a couple of days which was great!! I got to meet his two best friends and he got to meet my family. Wuhoo to important couple stuff!

IMG_20131224_2323384. Christmas dinner was spent in the Manor. It was a really good dinner coupled with laughs, selfies, and stories. The entertainment could use some work but at least he’s still photograph-ical.

I am absolutely grateful for the holidays and time off my responsibilities although I have admittedly been putting a couple things off which I should probably get back to. Though, I wish I could stay like this for more than the Christmas break. I really miss resting and doing the things that calm me down.

I hope everyone else is enjoying their holidays as well!

 

The Lately: Client Work and Renaissance

Hello there

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(Say hello to my too long ago straight haired self!)

My first semester of senior year has finally reached a close. Finals week ended and now I’m working over at DDB. I’m sorry for not updating this blog as much as I have promised. Usually even during school, I’d still have time for other things like watching movies or reading. This semester, however, proved to be the exception. When alumni would tell stories on how difficult their senior years were, I thought to myself how it would probably be just like any other year. I was wrong. Dead wrong.

This semester, I experienced weeks of laboring to finish projects only to submit them late or really close to the deadline, staying up until the sun started rising and not finishing what I’ve been working on for the whole day, and feeling so dead exhausted everyday for months! These “difficulties” may not be new to the college student but I have got to say that this is the first semester I’ve ever felt this drained.

So what has been happening lately?

1. THESISKILLINGMEEE

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Thesis: the culprit for the long sleepless nights, anxious weeks, and awkward tensions. Senior Communication students are usually busiest in their first semester because of it. To be honest, I don’t think we’re even done yet. Our professor never got back to us on our thesis revisions and it was to be passed weeks ago. For now, I’m going to embrace the little time I have for myself (and internship and CoSA).

2. DDB Internship

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Just a bit of context: every COM major is required to fulfill at least 120 hours of on the job training and after sending my resume to just about every agency in the Philippines (and one in Singapore) and having the privilege of two ad agencies reply I ended up in DDB under the Strategic Planning department.

Things have been going well for me so far and I hope to continue doing well (and hopefully get better). I’m not really confident in my Advertising skills (if that’s the word for it) so I get a bit nervous every time I’m assigned to an account but I just tell myself that I’m here to learn and achieving greatness at a slow pace never hurt anyone. The people here are also really nice to me. My supervisor makes me laugh a lot but is really insightful and brilliant all at the same time.

3. This boy

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Without making this post too personal, I’d like you all to meet Gabe. I’ve got a good feeling about this boy. He’s pretty special.

4. CoSA love you (budum-tsss!)

1378568_10151902139094320_952762589_nRecently, I have attained  the position of president in my school organization, CoSA. After the bawling and daily panic attacks, I can now say that I am ready to fulfill the role of president. I still feel a bit insecure about myself leading the org but I think I’m getting there. We just got back from our Evaluation Seminar and I’m very proud to have such a great team beside me.

5. Everything else

This is my last semester in the Ateneo and I still can’t wrap my head around it. A lot has happened not just in this semester but for the three years I have been here. There are just so many things to do still and I’m not even half way through. I don’t know how to handle everything happening all at once. It just feels like having so much and having it sift through your fingers at the same time.

College has been such a blast and I have never grown so much. I think that’s the reason why I’m so attached to it.

Here’s to the future.

Hello there